I wasn't going to post today...

..I just couldn't think of how to write out what I'm feeling.

My mother called me last night, and left a very vague message on my machine. (Very unlike her)

When I returned her call, she told me that Erik had died. He was a grade school friend who I have not seen since I was eleven years old.
I was in shock. I cried, then I felt silly for crying. Then I cried some more.
Erik's death is a very tragic thing, of course. I am in no way trying to make light of it. I'm just not sure why it has hit me quite as hard as it has.

Is it because I used to call him, "Dumbo-ears" when he would call me, "Air-head"? Because he and I used to "like each other" in grade school? Because he's my age? Is it because, most of my grade school memories are fuzzy at best, except for him?

I don't know. Part of me feels like I should go to the wake. Part of me really doesn't want to.